TAKE A DEEP BREATH
In the summer of 2002, Martin F. was standing outside a falafel
shop in Jerusalem when it exploded. A trained medic, he went in
and discovered the body of a young man on the floor. The young
man had lost both legs below the waist, as well as an arm, but
his eyes were open and focused. A few seconds passed while the
two looked at each other. Knowing it was probably in vain,
Martin F. decided to administer mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
After a minute or two, the young man’s eyes rolled up into his
head and he expired. As he walked out, Martin F. saw that a
group of people had gathered, including two policemen, who
wanted to know how many casualties were inside. When he
responded that there was only one, Martin F. realized the young
man he had just left inside was a suicide bomber.
In the following script, extracts recorded from a conversatio
with Martin F. in 2008 alternate with fictional scenes in which
a team of actors attempts to stage his ordeal for the camera.
There are two cameras shooting simultaneously.
Each shoots a different view.
1 I/E. FALAFEL SHOP IN JERUSALEM. DAY.
Off-screen sound of a muffled explosion.
CAMERA "A" AN EXPLODED FALAFEL SHOP ON A STREET IN JERUSALEM. THE
STORE WINDOW HAS BEEN BLOWN OUT. SMOKE IS COMING OUT. THE STREET IS
EMPTY. THERE IS SHATTERED GLASS AND BLOOD ON THE SIDEWALK, AS WELL
AS A SINGLE SEVERED HUMAN ARM.
CAMERA "B" PARALLEL SHOT, REVEALING MF FROM BEHIND, STANDING
FARTHER DOWN AND LOOKING TOWARDS THE EXPLODED FACADE.
MARTIN F. (V.O.)
Where do I start here? That morning I took off
from work for an hour or so. I went with my wife
out on a few chores. And when I came back I
decided to go for lunch. I headed for my favorite
falafel place on Prophets Street. And within
fifteen seconds I heard this boom. Not as noisy as
you'd really expect. And I see smoke emerging from
the falafel place itself.
MF begins to walk towards facade.
BOTH CAMERAS MOVE TOWARDS THE BLASTED WINDOW.
MARTIN F. (V.O.)
The plate glass window is all shattered. There's
complete silence. Maybe a few car alarms go off.
There's glass on the sidewalk. And the first thing
that really hits me is a human arm by the door.
MF pauses just in front of the facade.
MARTIN F. (V.O.)
But I am a medic. I was trained in the army to
deal with casualties. So I headed over there. Not
too fast, mind you. I was not in a rush. I was
hoping that some magic ambulance was going to come
out of nowhere; they'd do all the dirty work.
They'd go in and I would be able to be on the
outside looking in. But nobody was there, so I
MF walks through the open door into the shop.
CAMERA "A" TRACKS THROUGH BLASTED WINDOW INTO THE SHOP AS MF WALKS
IN THROUGH DOOR. IT CLOSES IN ON AN INJURED BODY LYING IN A PUDDLE
OF BLOOD. IT IS A YOUNG MAN, PRACTICALLY A TEENAGER. HE IS MISSING
BOTH LEGS AND AN ARM. THE GROIN AREA OF HIS PANTS DISPLAYS AN
CAMERA "B" OVERTAKES MF AS HE APPROACHES THE FACADE, CROSSING AND
FOLLOWING MF'S POV. AS IT APPROACHES THE BODY, IT TILTS UP TO
REVEAL CAMERA "A" AND THE CREW.
MARTIN F. (V.O.)
Glass all over the place. And blood, but... I see
this one fellow lying on the floor. He had no
legs. I leaned down and looked at him for a second
CAMERA "A" ZOOMS IN; THE LEGLESS MAN SUDDENLY OPENS HIS EYES AND
LOOKS AT THE CAMERA.
2 INT. FALAFEL SHOP IN JERUSALEM. DAY.
Oh no, Cut...
Legless Man immediately closes his eyes.
CAMERA "A": CUTS BRIEFLY.
CAMERA "B": STAYS ON THE CREW.
Dude, that was perfect! What happened?
He opened his eyes.
CAMERA "A" BACK ON TO CLOSE-UP OF SOUNDMAN. FROM NOW ON BOTH
CAMERAS CUT BETWEEN VARIOUS CREW MEMBERS AS THEY SPEAK.
I forgot his name. He looked right at the camera.
Are you sure?
Eyes wide shut, Omar. It's like the third time he
CAMERA "A" CU OF BOMBER. HIS EYES ARE CLOSED. HE DOESN'T MOVE.
Actually, there was another problem. I don't know
how to put it but...
People look the Camerman questioningly.
Um, he's got a lump in his pants.
A lump? What are you talking about?
His pants. Um, look, there's a bump, a lump, it
Pause. Some people notice. Suppressed laughter. Bomber opens eyes.
Whoa, dude, is that what I think it is?!
I don't get it. Am I missing something?
The guy's got a boner! For real! Hey, you're in
the wrong film, man!
Pause. Everyone notices. Bomber strains to look down at his crotch.
You're not turned on by this whole thing, are you?
(Still smiling but less sure)
Come on, it's not me...
It's not him, you idiots. It's just a bump in his
Man, I don't care what it is! If you look through
the camera, it looks just like a hard on!
I heard this shit happens when people are hanged...
Seriously! It's not me!
Hey, no worries, dude. It happens to everyone.
But this is all a prosthetic, remember? I'm
actually under the platform.
Well, could we get the make-up guy in here?
And a bucket of ice!
Cameraman and Soundman high-five each other, laughing. FX guy runs
in, reaches into Bomber's pants and starts fiddling. A PA runs in
with ice and is shooed away. The crew loves it.
Would you guys grow up already?!
FX guy finishes and runs off. Bomber relaxes.
Ugh. All right. On to the next problem: Did you
look at the camera?
I thought it already passed me.
OK, could we stop messing around and do it again?
Just the last shot? The close-up?
Just a second, Omer. I'm not sure he gets it. Hey
look, the camera was not yet past you when you
opened your eyes, OK? Just stay dead with your
eyes closed until we're finished.
Well, how am I supposed to know where the camera
is if my eyes are closed?
Listen Einstein, you're a suicide bomber! You're
dead! You don't care about cameras!
(Points to Cam "A")
Not even this one?
It's really simple. You close your eyes when we
say "action." You open them when we say "cut."
That's all there is to it. (to Omer) Has he ever
Isn't it better if I keep my eyes open?
I mean, it's not a peaceful death, right? I just
think that it'll look more real.
Pause. The entire crew stares at the Bomber.
Fine. I'll keep my eyes closed if that's what you
(Seriously, to Omer)
Maybe we should try water-boarding?
No. He's right. Let's do it again. From the top.
With his eyes opened.
What, the whole scene, Omar?
I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Omer...
What can I say? He's right. It will look more
How's he know what's more realistic?
Yeah, man, like have you died in a suicide bombing
Have you ever seen a dead body?
At home. Where I'm from... (Shrugs) I've seen many.
What are you? Like an undertaker on weekends?
I'm a Kosovar.
A Crossover? What's that supposed to mean?
He's from the Balkans, genius.
Oh right! The Balkans. Now everything's clear.
That's where Frodo's from, isn't it?
Ok, I think we should re-
(Cuts him off)
Nah, nah, hold on, Omar! I got to ask this guy a
Cameraman leans aggressively towards Bomber.
Who died? Come on, man. Give me some names. Where
was it? When did it happen?
Pause. Bomber closes his eyes and settles back into his pose.
Just what I thought. This guy is pulling your leg,
Are you sure you want to do the whole thing all
over again? We're an hour behind. All the extras
Pause. Omer thinks.
Did they have Arabs in Lord of the Rings?
He's not an Arab.
What is he then?
He's a liar.
I'm an Albanian.
Arabian, Albanian... (turns) Could somebody get us
(Fumbles, taking out an iPhone)
Here. I can google it...
Hey Omer? We really don't have time for this. If
you're not happy with how things are going, I'd
suggest we try one take without him.
(Opens his eyes)
Are you serious?
Omer looks up from the iPhone.
But he's the suicide bomber! What am I going to
shoot? A puddle of fake blood and some pieces of
You can shoot some falafel balls, man. Look, this
stuff's got great texture!
Why don't we break for lunch and talk about it?
But he's right; we can't just pretend the guy
isn't here. I mean, he IS the suicide bomber.
That's kind of a big part of the story!
All right. Then let's get someone else. (takes out
her own iPhone) I know this casting agency...
Wait a minute! I have a contract!
You had a contract.
Bomber tries to get up, struggling with the prosthetics.
(Runs towards Bomber)
Please just stay where you are! I promise:
Whatever we decide, you'll get paid for today...
I'm not doing this for money!
Bomber finally manages to get up. AD looks up from iPhone.
No? Then why are you doing this? To be famous? For
For like the seventy virgins, man, I'd do it...
Bomber steps menacingly towards Cameraman. AD walks in to break
them up. Omer sits down in despair.
OK, that's enough. Let's break for lunch everyone!
Now! I mean it.
Pause. Cameraman and Bomber stare at each, huffing and puffing.
Cameraman struts off. Soundman bumbles after him. Bomber sits down
next to Omer, exhausted.
Listen, I'm really sorry about this. I didn't
realize you had this - you know - history...
Bomber looks at Omer without responding.
Did you lose someone close?
Bomber and Omer look at each other.
Omer? I think we should talk for a minute.
I need to make a phone call.
I don't have a phone.
AD doesn't offer her iPhone. Reluctantly, Omer hands over his.
Here. Just be careful. (Smiles apologetically)
It's an iPhone...
Bomber quietly takes phone. He then reaches up and slowly peels off
his nose, it's a bumpy prosthetic.
(Gives nose to Omer)
Here. This is yours.
Bomber walks off.
All right. That's one casualty. Can I call the
casting agency now?
Pause. Omer thinks. Assistant Director starts scrolling through
Come on, Omer. He's just a day player. There's
nothing special about him. Oh, and while we're at
it, we should fire that burn victim chick.
But she's the only woman on our whole set!
Yeah, but she's not in the original story, right?
Plus she's a bad actress.
It's a small role. She's just a casualty!
I'm not sure you were watching her face, Omer. She
was vamping, not dying.
What is that supposed to mean?
All right. Fine.
Why don't I just call them all back and do it over
again? Eyes open, eyes closed, shirt on, shirt
off. Whatever you want. Frankly, I think you're
too caught up in details.
Pause. Omer looks around, unable to decide.
Well? (Carefully) Omer?
BOTH CAMERAS CUT.
3 INT. FALAFEL SHOP IN JERUSALEM. DAY.
Everything is the same as at the beginning of Scene 2, except for
the Bomber. He's now played by an older, decidedly lighter-skinned,
blue-eyed man (Amputee).
CAMERA "A": MEDIUM CLOSE ON BOMBER.
CAMERA "B": SHOOTING ALONGSIDE, MEDIUM WIDE ON MF STAND-IN.
MARTIN F. (V.O.)
His eyes were open. He was a mess, but I don't
remember any blood in or around his face.
He was a mess. He was missing his legs. He was
missing one arm. But he was focused on me.
MF leans down and carefully looks into the Amputee's face.
So I thought: "Maybe the medical crews will
arrive? Some miracle will happen. I'm going to
give him an extra few seconds..." So I started
giving him mouth-to-mouth.
MF presses his lips to the Amputee's, breathing and then begins
His eyes flashed on me for the first couple of
seconds. After that I didn't really have eye
contact with him. I would say that his body was in
complete - what's it called? When you lose
tonus... He was in bad shape. I said,
"Everything's gonna be OK. Tinshom Amok," -
MF continues the CPR. The Amputee starts to fade.
And then I saw one guy who was leaning in the
doorway. His hands were on his hips. And he was
kind of shaking his head from side to side, like,
"The guy's a goner..."
MF looks up. The Amputee dies quietly.
He looked for some reason very authoritative to
me. I stoppped the CPR. I got up and walked
MF stands up slowly.
CAMERA "A" FOLLOWS MF AS HE STANDS UP.
CAMERA "B" CUTS TO THE TEAM AGAIN.
And...cut. Thanks a lot.
All right! What a difference!
CAMERA "A" CUTS.
CAMERA "B" CONTINUES.
Crew members clap, visibly relieved. FX guy and PA's walk in and
begin helping the Amputee up.
(Sits near Amputee)
Didn't I tell you this guy would be great?
Yeah man, great suicide bombing! Mazal Tov!
(Sits near Assistant Director)
I still think he's too old for the part. I mean,
the real bomber was just a teenager...
Who cares about the real bomber? At least this guy
can act! The other one couldn't even play dead for
If you think that was good, I can also roll over
and fetch a ball...
Crew is having difficulties helping the Amputee up. Omer and
Assistant Director watch, uncomfortably. The Amputee is finally
extricated, getting up and brushing himself off.
I'm going to go for lunch.
Amputee stumbles off, still wearing a bloodied shirt and stump.
CAMERA "B" CUTS.
4 EXT. CATERING STAND. DAY.
A buffet of soft drinks and fast food. Several extras are milling
about. Amputee walks in and stands in line behind a young, pretty
woman, whose face is partly burned. Burned Woman picks through the
buffet, putting food on her plate. Amputee takes a plate and
Cameras are behind the table on a track, spaced apart but parallel
to each other. They shoot simultaneously.
So...How did you die?
You know what? I don't care.
Really? Most people do.
Do they? Well, like most people then, I guess it
was the explosion.
So why don't you care?
Because I quit.
You died - and then you quit?
No. I quit before I died. I mean, I didn't die. I
Good for you. (Chews)
So why'd you quit?
Because they lied to me.
About your dying?
About how they wanted me to die: They wanted me to
die with my shirt off!
Amputee shakes his head laughing. Burned Woman also smiles.
BURNED WOMAN (CONT'D)
Can you believe it? They never said anything about
that in rehearsals and now it's supposed to be
more realistic! Like the blast just ripped it off...
At least you got to rehearse.
Woman finally looks at him, holds out her hand. Amputee smiles,
unable to shake hands he gestures at his stump.
Oh sorry. I guess we haven't met. So what's your story?
Me? I'm the suicide bomber.
No way, really? Aren't you a little old for the part?
Actually, I'm just doing this as a favor to my
agent. They called her one hour ago. Totally
desperate. Apparently the young guy I'm replacing
couldn't follow directions.
Yeah, I heard he had problems. I didn't know they
got rid of him too...
They continue loading their plates, moving down the lunch line
It's a shame. There's some good people here. The
real story is quite poignant. Unfortunately the
director, what's his name, Omar something? He's
more interested in gimmicks than storytelling.
You mean the explosion?
There was an explosion?
Real loud, a big fireball! I guess they wanted
Amputee nods. Burned Woman pauses, angry.
It's totally irresponsible. You know, I bet they
don't even have a permit for that! Jerks. Someone
should report them.
Burned Woman looks around, losing interest in her food. Amputee
studies a tortilla chip.
Anyway, so I'm also wrapped for the day. Got any
plans for the evening?
Taking a bath and cuddling with a good book.
Wow! That sounds good! (Reaches for another
tortilla chip. Winks.) Like some company?
Pause. Burned Woman smiles.
I'm afraid not.
It's against the rules.
What rules? It is a non-union shoot.
Bomber from Scene 1 enters, holding an iPhone.
Let's see, Rule Number One? (Taps his stump,
smiling) Never go out with a victim.
So how do we get home? Do they even have a car? Is
somebody driving us?
Is this your boyfriend?
What him? Oh no!
Sorry, I can't even remember your name!
That's all right.
We were both fired.
Bomber throws the iPhone into a plate of tortilla chips. Amputee
looks on with amusement. Burned Woman looks embarrassed, possibly
Hey, you know what? I know a good car service.
(Reaching out for phone) Let me call one for you.
Burned Woman picks up the iPhone and starts dialing. Amputee and
Bomber are suddenly left facing each other.
BURNED WOMAN (CONT'D)
Hello? Could you please send a car to Melrose and
Kenmore ASAP. (Listens) It's a storefront on
Kenmore. I don't know the exact number but you
can't miss it. There's been an explosion.
(Listens) No, no, it's a film set, we don't need
an ambulance. (Listens) My name? (Looks up at
Bomber) Sorry, what was your name again?
Burned Woman stares at him for a moment before finally finishing
Just send someone quickly. A young guy called
Keith will be waiting.
Hangs up and holds up the iPhone for Bomber.
That's OK. It's not mine. Keep it.
Pause. Burned Woman continues to hold out the iPhone.
So do you ever bend your rules? I mean, they're
there to be broken, right?
Rule Number Two: Never go out with a beggar.
Burned Woman walks away, this time not smiling. She joins the
Bomber on the other side of the table. Amputee looks on.
What if I told you my injury's real?
Yeah, sure. You're crippled and he's Keith Richards.
I prefer differently-abled. But, yes, I'm a real
Burned Woman stops smiling. Bomber looks up with interest.
Oh please don't stop smiling...
I don't think this is funny.
And don't lose your sense of humor! That's always
the worst part!
Burned Woman moves away. Amputee pockets the iPhone, follows.
I had a career. Nothing spectacular, mind you,
never a Hamlet. Just a few supporting roles, a
couple of features, theater, television...
(Looks at stump) Then this happened. I won't bore
you. The details are dreary. Needless to say, my
agent stopped taking my calls. I stopped getting
callbacks. You know, with one arm you can't even
work as a waiter!
Can you please leave me alone?
About one year ago, the phone started ringing
again. It's a niche, sure, but it's growing.
There's a lot more demand for amputees now, for
Hey man, aren't you laying it kind of thick?
(turns to Bomber)
In the beginning, I also thought it was weird. But
you know what? Times are changing. We're fighting
two wars now. One hour ago, I was home, watching
TV. Then my agent called. "Suicide Bomber? Sure!
What could be easier?"
Burned Woman tries to walk off but Amputee steps in front of her.
So I get lots of work. I can even start being
selective. And best of all: since my arm's already
gone, I don't have to spend hours in make-up!
Bravo. I'm all choked up. I get it.
This guy is putting you on!
Do I care? Does it matter?
It doesn't. (Moves to Bomber) And I'm not.
Amputee steps in front of Bomber. Bomber looks up at him slowly
OK, so why don't you prove it? Come on (Taps at
Amputee's stump) Come on, show us your moneymaker.
Don't touch me!
Amputee pushes Bomber away but he persists, touching, tugging more
forcefully at the stump.
Come on! Show us that money-maker!
(To Burned Woman) You wanna see it? You want to
see his moneymaker?
The two start to struggle more intensely, the Amputee mainly trying
to protect his stump and the Bomber pushing him backwards. Finally,
the Amputee suddenly reaches out to slap at the Bomber with his
good hand. Bomber has just been waiting for this and expertly
throws him to the ground. Several extras break up the fight.
Bomber looks down with disdain and is escorted away. Amputee slowly
sits up, visibly shaken. He tries to tidy himself. Burned Woman
leans down next to him. A moment passes.
Are you all right?
Amputee does not answer. He looks quite shaken up.
Look, for whatever it's worth, I'm really sorry.
Pause. Burned Woman helps Amputee get up.
BURNED WOMAN (CONT'D)
So, is it really true?
Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there?
Burned Woman looks at him, a smile finally breaking her otherwise
And what happens if you're not a real amputee?
A tense moment passes. Suddenly Burned Woman cannot suppress a
Ok, that's a cut.
CAMERA "A" CUTS.
What happened now?
Was she not supposed to?
No. She wasn't.
Oh my God, Omer! I'm so sorry.
Well that's great. But the scene was not over!
I'm so sorry! I know! It's just. (Laughs) My scars
Fuck. Could we get makeup in here?
They're not scars yet, darling. They're burns.
Pause. Burned Woman and Amputee walk away.
CAMERA "B" TURNS ON, FOLLOWING THE TWO ACTORS AND STOPPING SUDDENLY
AT THE FACADE OF THE FALAFEL SHOP.
5 EXT. FALAFEL SHOP. DAY.
A small crowd of policemen and onlookers are standing around. A
team of medics are inside the shop, sorting through the debris,
collecting body parts, photographing.
CAMERA "A" SHOWS THE SCENE FROM OUTSIDE, SHOOTING THROUGH THE
CAMERA "B" SHOWS THE SCENE FROM INSIDE, FOLLOWING THE MEDICS WHO
PERFORM THEIR ROLES IN A SERIES OF STILLS.
MARTIN F. (V.O.)
By this point, there was a whole scene outside
the falafel place. I was shunted across the street
by the police, and I joined the onlookers. And it
was only then that it dawned on me: "When you have
a suicide bombing and you only have one casualty -
maybe I had just taken care of the suicide
bomber..." And I remember a wave of nausea that
rolled over me. And I don't think the nausea was
because I had any moral reprehension at treating
this guy. It was the shock of what had just
happened. Plus I think there was the smell of
blood in my mouth... I realized that I had to get
the police to test this guy for diseases. So I
went back to my office. The first thing I did was
scrub my hands. I noticed some blood on my thumbs
- in the cuticle area - and I was scrubbing at it
and getting dish-soap, and soaping up my lips,
inside and out... I wanted it out. Afterwards, of
course, I was thinking: "What made you do this? Was
it because you thought this was some polluted sub
human?" No. It wasn't that at all. It was really
very rational. People who had diseases had been
recruited. They'd go into crowds with bombs filled
with rat poison, in order to enhance the effects
of the explosives... If anything, this was a real
face-to-face confrontation with evil! On the other
hand, maybe I'm building this up too much. Because
at that point, I don't think I was thinking of him
as evil. He was a human being I was trying to
save. And he was seventeen-and-a-half, eighteen
years old. Afterwards comes maybe all the
editorializing and adding the little ethical
finishing touches on things. For my own benefit,
by the way, I never really looked into too much of
his background. I didn't want to personalize him
more than I had to.
BOTH CAMERAS BEGIN TO TRACK ACROSS THE SCENE OUTSIDE.
As it happens, a day and a half later, I did get a
phone call. They finished the blood work on him
and it turned out he proved positive for Hepatitis.
So I don't think I was trying to scrub away the evil.
It was more just, "There's something potentially
very bad about this blood here..."
Two LAPD officers enter the scene and walk between the extras who
are still frozen in their poses. They pause in center frame of CAM
"A" looking towards the crew.
CAMERA "B" CONTINUES SHOOTING FROM BEHIND.
6 EXT. ON SET OUTSIDE OF FALAFEL SHOP. DAY.
What? Not again!
Are these guys in the script? Should I cut?
Yes. I mean, no they're not in the script. Cut!!
The extras un-freeze. The two Cops approach CAM "A".
Can we help you, Officer?
You guys have a permit?
Sure. The director has it. Where the hell is he?
(On walkie talkie)
Can someone get Omer?
(Peering into CAM "A")
Is that thing running? Let's shut it down, OK?
CAMERA "A" CUTS BRIEFLY.
CAMERA "B" CONTINUES CUTTING BETWEEN ACTORS.
Is there a problem, Officer?
You bet there's a problem. We got calls. Complaints.
Really? From whom? About what?
People who live here. Someone complained about
What people? The homeless?
You being a wise guy? 'Cause we can do this in ten
minutes or we can stay till our shift is over.
Omer stumbles in, breathless, walks up to Cops.
I'm really sorry, Officer. It's gonna be a little
while until the permit can get here. Can somebody
get you guys coffee or something?
Are you in charge here?
I'm gonna need to see some ID please.
All right, break for five minutes everyone!
Omer hands the Good Cop his ID. The set starts to clear.
So what's going on here? Are you making a film
Pause. No one answers. Good Cop looks up from the ID.
Well? Is it an action film or a thriller?
It's a pastiche.
(Whispering to Soundman)
A pastiche? Where d'you pick that one up, Webster?
You know, like a comedy.
It's not a pastiche!
It's a tragedy.
Hey, hey, hey! Hold on! What is this, the Three Stooges?
No, no. It's just hard to explain. We're trying to
make a short film about filming a suicide bombing,
which is based on an interview with a guy in
Jerusalem. But it's shot as a series of stills.
Like a wax museum. Or a frozen ballet...
Other crew members start looking uncomfortable
. OMER (CONT'D)
But with real people, not dummies. (Pauses.
Unsure.) No one's supposed to be moving.
Indeed no one moves. Soundman guffaws. Good Cop hands back the ID.
Here you go. My son's in Afghanistan.
Pause. No one knows what to say.
GOOD COP (CONT'D)
What's your movie called?
"Regarding the Pain of Others".
Recording the what?
Not recording, regarding. Maybe you've heard of
I've heard of Susan Sarandon. (Smiles) Is she
around? Can I get an autograph?
A PA gives the Good Cop a film permit. He looks at it.
Have you been using explosives?
No pyrotechnics? No firearms?
I got a lighter.
We have a smoke machine. But it keeps breaking
down. Please, look around if you like.
Because you do not have a permit for explosives.
(Looks up) You guys know that?
It's not a Hollywood film.
It sounds like a B movie.
Is it a political film?
It's a tragedy.
Like we said, it is a silent film. (To crew) No
one's supposed to be talking.
So it's a silent film. Like Charlie Chaplin.
No, no. It's nothing like that, Officer. (Thinks)
Do you know what tableaux vivants are?
Yeah. Sure. (Winks) That's mineral water, no?
Burned Woman approaches.
Let me ask you a question: Are you guys faggots or
Wait a second here!
Here's the problem: Someone in the area complained
about hearing explosions. Now, I'm not accusing
you guys of anything, but the call was specific
and credible. We'd just like to get to the bottom
of this. Is there a Keith around here?
I think I know what's going on, Officer.
Everyone looks at her.
BURNED WOMAN (CONT'D)
I think it was the suicide bomber, Keith Richards.
Not The Who, man! The Stones!
(To Burned Woman)
What are you talking about?
Keith Richards! The young suicide bomber you fired!
No one believes her.
BURNED WOMAN (CONT'D)
He was on the phone during lunch. He said he was
calling a taxi but I could swear he was lying!
Oh my God! (Frantically checking pockets) That guy
stole my iPhone!
Anyway, he didn't know the address here so he put
me on the phone. When I tried to give driving directions,
the dispatcher said a police car was coming.
Pause. Soundman whistles.
And why would he do this?
Because we fired him. Because he was vengeful.
Because he's a fucked up albino cross-dresser.
Would you stop it already? The guy was a Kosovar.
Whatever he was, you should press charges against
him. He also assaulted someone. What's his name?
The amputee! The older guy who replaced him.
(To Assistant Director)
Was there an amputee in the cast?
The crew looks confused. The Cops look at each other.
(Angry, to Burned Woman)
Hey, what are you doing here anyway? Didn't we
A tense staredown between the Assistant Director and Burned Woman.
Man! You should all go on "Springer".
Burned Woman loses the staredown. She exits.
So this suicide bomber, Keith Richards, do you
know what his real name was?
Actually, we don't know his name, Officer. But I
can describe what he looks like.
Good Cop takes out a pad. Pause. Omer thinks.
He had black hair. It was gelled. He was about
No, no! He had brown hair and was much shorter!
Oh, and he had this nose!
The nose was fake! It was a prosthetic. We did it
Pause. Bad Cop rolls his eyes and sighs.
Well, he had brown eyes. We can all agree on that.
His eyes were green, Omar! Don't you remember? He
kept opening them. That's why you fired him!
All right, they were brown-green.
They were hazel.
Don't you guys take polaroids of your actors?
You mean like a lie-detector test?
That's a polygraph.
Of course, we have headshots. But they're all on
my iPhone and that guy stole it.
Pause. Good Cop puts his notepad back in his pocket.
All right, here's my card. When you get your story
straight, come down to the precinct.
The two Cops leave. The crew looks crestfallen.
(Slaps his forehead)
No! No! Wait a minute! We got him right here on camera!
Cameraman excitedly fiddles with CAM "A" while everyone watches him
without much enthusiasm. Camera rewinds. Cameraman peeps into
viewfinder excitedly and presses stop.
Look! Let me just play it back.
Soundman gets up. Assistant Director continues peering into her iPhone
and Omer peers into space.
(Triumphantly presses play)
BOTH CAMERAS CUT BACK TO SCENE 1.
A picture is worth everything man!
End/Loop to beginning
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